tainted love
Monday, July 07, 2008
For Christopher Valentine:
Tonight was supposed to be the night. The past week I've been saying 'I love you baby' unconsciously to myself. Finally yesterday I realized I was doing it, and I realized that I meant it. I thought of all the moments when I saw you and said it under my breath. Sometimes when you're watching TV, I look over at you and think to myself how beautiful you are and how lucky I am to have you. When you hold me, its as if I am complete. I remember I once wrote that I never could fit into the the crease between someone elses elbows, but somehow I seem to fit into yours, and perfectly at that. I think I finally understand what it means to be attached, it is when you are so emotionally/physically connected to someone that everything or anything that affects that person affects you too, and at a much larger scale because you matter so much to me. I realize now I that I love you, because to me, your happiness means more to me than mine. I'll do anything for you, whatever you'd like, however much effot it takes from me, just to see you smile. I think about these wonderful things and I realize why I want so much to say them to you - because I know how happy it would make me if someone said they'd been living their lives for the moments that they have with me because I know that if someone said that to me, it would've made me the happiest girl in the world. And that is why I say them to you, because even though I know what I say won't have the same impact on you, I'm hoping that maybe it'll give you just a flicker of the happiness that it would bring me. Candle lit dinners in the park, surprise love letters in the mail, those are all my fantasies, perfected by longing and wishful thinking. I did them for you. Even though in my ideal world you would suprise me with them, but since this isn't my world, I'll still make them reality, but for you. Because I love you, and I just want to make you happy, the only way I know someone else could make me happy. ¶ 10:59 PM 0 Comments
Tonight was supposed to be the night. The past week I've been saying 'I love you baby' unconsciously to myself. Finally yesterday I realized I was doing it, and I realized that I meant it. I thought of all the moments when I saw you and said it under my breath. Sometimes when you're watching TV, I look over at you and think to myself how beautiful you are and how lucky I am to have you. When you hold me, its as if I am complete. I remember I once wrote that I never could fit into the the crease between someone elses elbows, but somehow I seem to fit into yours, and perfectly at that. I think I finally understand what it means to be attached, it is when you are so emotionally/physically connected to someone that everything or anything that affects that person affects you too, and at a much larger scale because you matter so much to me. I realize now I that I love you, because to me, your happiness means more to me than mine. I'll do anything for you, whatever you'd like, however much effot it takes from me, just to see you smile. I think about these wonderful things and I realize why I want so much to say them to you - because I know how happy it would make me if someone said they'd been living their lives for the moments that they have with me because I know that if someone said that to me, it would've made me the happiest girl in the world. And that is why I say them to you, because even though I know what I say won't have the same impact on you, I'm hoping that maybe it'll give you just a flicker of the happiness that it would bring me. Candle lit dinners in the park, surprise love letters in the mail, those are all my fantasies, perfected by longing and wishful thinking. I did them for you. Even though in my ideal world you would suprise me with them, but since this isn't my world, I'll still make them reality, but for you. Because I love you, and I just want to make you happy, the only way I know someone else could make me happy. ¶ 10:59 PM 0 Comments
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
From 2 Days in Paris.
The ending hit me, hard.
Loved what she said.
Marion: It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much. When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing. Here it is. One more, one less. Another wasted love story. I really love this one. When I think that its over, that I'll never see him again like this... well yes, I'll bump into him, we'll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together, then we'll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost. Always the same for me. Break up, break down. Drunk up, fool around. Meet one guy, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well. There's a moment in life where you can't recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can’t live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else's kisses.
Sigh. ¶ 1:01 AM 0 Comments
The ending hit me, hard.
Loved what she said.
Marion: It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much. When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing. Here it is. One more, one less. Another wasted love story. I really love this one. When I think that its over, that I'll never see him again like this... well yes, I'll bump into him, we'll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together, then we'll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost. Always the same for me. Break up, break down. Drunk up, fool around. Meet one guy, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well. There's a moment in life where you can't recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can’t live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else's kisses.
Sigh. ¶ 1:01 AM 0 Comments
Friday, May 25, 2007
hiatus;
hiatus;
not gonna blog here any near future.
might revert back to here someday..
both partially locked.
I have learned from lesson that the most valuable thing in the world
is your private life.
My life is private and I plan to keep it that way.
¶ 11:06 PM 0 Comments
;goodbye elsie
25th of May 2007 at 9.45pm
my very dear friend Elsie died..
i'm lost
¶ 9:53 PM 0 Comments
