tainted love
Monday, July 07, 2008
For Christopher Valentine:
Tonight was supposed to be the night. The past week I've been saying 'I love you baby' unconsciously to myself. Finally yesterday I realized I was doing it, and I realized that I meant it. I thought of all the moments when I saw you and said it under my breath. Sometimes when you're watching TV, I look over at you and think to myself how beautiful you are and how lucky I am to have you. When you hold me, its as if I am complete. I remember I once wrote that I never could fit into the the crease between someone elses elbows, but somehow I seem to fit into yours, and perfectly at that. I think I finally understand what it means to be attached, it is when you are so emotionally/physically connected to someone that everything or anything that affects that person affects you too, and at a much larger scale because you matter so much to me. I realize now I that I love you, because to me, your happiness means more to me than mine. I'll do anything for you, whatever you'd like, however much effot it takes from me, just to see you smile. I think about these wonderful things and I realize why I want so much to say them to you - because I know how happy it would make me if someone said they'd been living their lives for the moments that they have with me because I know that if someone said that to me, it would've made me the happiest girl in the world. And that is why I say them to you, because even though I know what I say won't have the same impact on you, I'm hoping that maybe it'll give you just a flicker of the happiness that it would bring me. Candle lit dinners in the park, surprise love letters in the mail, those are all my fantasies, perfected by longing and wishful thinking. I did them for you. Even though in my ideal world you would suprise me with them, but since this isn't my world, I'll still make them reality, but for you. Because I love you, and I just want to make you happy, the only way I know someone else could make me happy. ΒΆ 10:59 PM 0 Comments
Tonight was supposed to be the night. The past week I've been saying 'I love you baby' unconsciously to myself. Finally yesterday I realized I was doing it, and I realized that I meant it. I thought of all the moments when I saw you and said it under my breath. Sometimes when you're watching TV, I look over at you and think to myself how beautiful you are and how lucky I am to have you. When you hold me, its as if I am complete. I remember I once wrote that I never could fit into the the crease between someone elses elbows, but somehow I seem to fit into yours, and perfectly at that. I think I finally understand what it means to be attached, it is when you are so emotionally/physically connected to someone that everything or anything that affects that person affects you too, and at a much larger scale because you matter so much to me. I realize now I that I love you, because to me, your happiness means more to me than mine. I'll do anything for you, whatever you'd like, however much effot it takes from me, just to see you smile. I think about these wonderful things and I realize why I want so much to say them to you - because I know how happy it would make me if someone said they'd been living their lives for the moments that they have with me because I know that if someone said that to me, it would've made me the happiest girl in the world. And that is why I say them to you, because even though I know what I say won't have the same impact on you, I'm hoping that maybe it'll give you just a flicker of the happiness that it would bring me. Candle lit dinners in the park, surprise love letters in the mail, those are all my fantasies, perfected by longing and wishful thinking. I did them for you. Even though in my ideal world you would suprise me with them, but since this isn't my world, I'll still make them reality, but for you. Because I love you, and I just want to make you happy, the only way I know someone else could make me happy. ΒΆ 10:59 PM 0 Comments
