Thursday, January 04, 2007
Today in itself has made me suddenly realise how quickly I'm growing up.. In a flash I'm already 18 this year. In the last lap of my standard years of education in Singapore.. And next year I'll be 19 and on my own. And I'll have to know where I'm going.. What I want to do.. Who I want to be. And up to this moment I still don't know. I'm seriously clueless. I don't know what I want to do with my life.. I honestly don't. I've considered things like dance, but is that the path I really want to take? I don't think I dance well enough to be a professional dancer.. or rather, I don't practice enough.
Because I'm too lazy to... I've let this laziness thing get in my way much too often. Although I haven't lived very long, I do know that I've passed up many opportunities to bring me to greater heights simply because I've never put in the extra effort to push myself to work harder. I can honestly say I've never lived up to my expectations. Since this year is do or die.. I will make a promise. I promise that for once in my life, I will make myself proud. And I will do it.. Because I have to. And although I don't believe new year resolutions ever hold true, I hope that the year will mould me into a better person. I hope that I will treasure all relationships with friends and family, have the courage to do what's right, have the determination to get through to the end, press on when times get tough. Most importantly, to live up to my expectations. And be happy.
But I'm scared. What lies ahead? Sometimes, I feel so far away from the ones that are 'closest' to me. It's like, I don't know what's going on with them, how they are, how's everything etc... And it scares me. It scares me to feel like a stranger to the ones I'm supposed to be closest too. And I don't know what to do about it. I miss him a lot. Seriously I do.
A lot of things on my mind lately, me thinking and pondering about stuff, being emo again. I keep wondering things, and not being able to figure them out. Just end up being confused, like really bad. I'm feeling woozy. From everything. Where's my mayy time?!? For me to sit in coffeeclub and eat my carrotcake and read a book and people-watch and chill out and breathe.
Because I'm too lazy to... I've let this laziness thing get in my way much too often. Although I haven't lived very long, I do know that I've passed up many opportunities to bring me to greater heights simply because I've never put in the extra effort to push myself to work harder. I can honestly say I've never lived up to my expectations. Since this year is do or die.. I will make a promise. I promise that for once in my life, I will make myself proud. And I will do it.. Because I have to. And although I don't believe new year resolutions ever hold true, I hope that the year will mould me into a better person. I hope that I will treasure all relationships with friends and family, have the courage to do what's right, have the determination to get through to the end, press on when times get tough. Most importantly, to live up to my expectations. And be happy.
But I'm scared. What lies ahead? Sometimes, I feel so far away from the ones that are 'closest' to me. It's like, I don't know what's going on with them, how they are, how's everything etc... And it scares me. It scares me to feel like a stranger to the ones I'm supposed to be closest too. And I don't know what to do about it. I miss him a lot. Seriously I do.
A lot of things on my mind lately, me thinking and pondering about stuff, being emo again. I keep wondering things, and not being able to figure them out. Just end up being confused, like really bad. I'm feeling woozy. From everything. Where's my mayy time?!? For me to sit in coffeeclub and eat my carrotcake and read a book and people-watch and chill out and breathe.
)):
I'm falling apart.
¶ 9:58 PM
